Wednesday Whimsy - Dear Miss Lilybits . . .

The Advice Column . . . again!

Dear Miss Lilybits,

When I sit by the back door wall, a chipmunk likes to jump up on the step and taunt me relentlessly. He makes chirruping sounds and dances. I know he’s laughing at me. Or he just sits there pretending I don’t exist. It doesn’t matter how much I whine or take the attack stance. The chipmunk knows he’s safe with that glass between us! My image of feline ferociousness is being challenged every day. What can I do?  Signed, Frustrated Feline(not real name)

Dear Frustrated Feline (not real name),

Short of making a dash between your human’s legs when they open the door and going after the pill, you’re stuck. Make the best of things. First, casually lick your front paws and turn sideways, so it doesn’t look like you care, then show your dominance and take out your frustration on your humans. This is what I call anger projection therapy.

You must go about this slyly. First, beg for a treat by pacing or sitting near the treat cupboard. Whine when your human goes by. There’s nothing like a little comfort food. You do this first, because they won’t want to give you a treat later. Next, you slash the couch in an inconspicuous spot, but do it loudly, so your human is sufficiently annoyed. Walking across the keyboard and standing in front of the monitor when they’re on the computer can also be aggravating. If all else fails, cough up a hairball on an expensive rug or favorite chair.

Once your human is upset, you can go take a nap knowing your job is done. You’re back in control and the chipmunk can fuss all he wants . . . he’s being ignored, well, maybe. Signed, Lilybits, the tail-less wonder

Does your pet have any advice to share with Frustrated Feline? Please share or just comment or follow for this week’s drawing for a $15 Amazon gift card. We’re celebrating the release of Mom’s debut novella, The Pocket Watch in the anthology, Brave New Century, with a new give away every week this month.

WEDNESDAY WHIMSY

The Advice Column

Mom was cleaning again, so I can’t find those books I wanted to finish reading. Where did she put them? However, in my piles of fan mail I sometimes receive questions from other cats and (gasp) dogs, parakeets or guinea pigs that need advice, so here is the first one I’ve chosen to answer.

Dear Miss Lilybits:

During my human’s mealtime, I try to let them know that I would like to partake of the goodies they are consuming, but to no avail. I do this by parading back and forth, letting out an attention-getting meow and by hopping up onto an empty chair and reaching onto the table for food. Usually they call me “mooch” and lock me in the laundry room. Why are my attempts at begging perceived as annoying? Signed, Mr. Whiskers

Dear Mr. Whiskers:

Get over yourself. I would think you’re annoying too. Not that I haven’t tried your tactics, but my humans have a squirt bottle filled with water and I have also been a victim of the laundry room treatment. Learned your lesson yet? Though I’m sure as a petite, svelte female, the cuteness factor works for me better, there are a few things you can do.

First, sit quietly and tilt your head just a bit, with your eyes wide open. (This even works for dogs I’ve heard.) You may let out an occasional cute sound to remind them you’re present. If this doesn’t work, the next step is to reach your paw out and gently, with claws retracted, pat your human’s leg, then resume the stance. If this repeated sweetness doesn’t at least work by the end of the meal, then you’re an embarrassment to domestic cats everywhere! Also, it’s not worth begging unless, meat, poultry, fish or dairy products are involved. Don’t bother to go out on a limb for veggies or fruit. Hope that helps. Signed, Lilybits, the tail-less wonder

Does your favorite pet have some additional advice for Mr. Whiskers? Or a question for Lilybits? Leave a comment and/or follow for a chance to win this month’s drawing for a $15 Barnes and Noble gift card. Thanks for stopping by Writing, Whimsy and Devotion today.

Image from ("The Book of the Cat" by Frances Simpson) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons