The All Night Kitty Buffet!

I'm ba-ack! Lilybits, not large,
but in charge (as usual).

Living here with my absent-minded writer mom and engineer dad has its perks. Like the night before last, Mom was feeding me a snack and she was distracted. Why? Because she had forgotten to put the sheets in the dryer earlier in the day, she was just running to get them out of the dryer at the end of the day, and rushing upstairs to make the bed. In the process she forgot to put away my wet food and left a can open on the counter in the kitchen. I discussed the reason for such forgetfulness in my previous post concerning MFADD.

Come closer and let me tell you a little secret: I’m not supposed to walk on the counter, but just between you and me, I do when Mom and Dad aren’t around. You won’t tell, will you?

BEST. NIGHT. EVER. I had the all night kitty buffet going. I mean I couldn’t believe it. I’d jump up on the kitchen island, look around, then I’d take a nibble from the can. If I wanted something crunchy, I’d go over to my dish for a few pieces of kibble and then back to the wet food. Then, when I’d had my fill for a time, I went upstairs and snuggled down between mom and dad—hee hee—without their knowing a thing.

Then, yesterday morning, Dad came downstairs first and blew my cover. Before I knew it, the contents of the can were absconded and the party was over. I noticed Mom didn’t give me a midnight snack last night. I need to perfect my whining and distraction techniques, so I can figure out how to get another all night kitty buffet again, soon!

Mmm . . . Mom's dinner looks good.

Then again, when everybody writes me in on their ballot and I’m elected president, I understand I can have an all night kitty buffet every night!

Tweet this: Lilybits says, "I have a secret to share. You won't
tell, will you?"

LILYBITS for PRESIDENT in 2016!

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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are not supported by any political party. They aren't necessarily endorsed by the owner of this blog. The views expressed in this article are definitely from a whimsical cat's eye point of view. 

As a feline of some distinction, I am quite upset neither major political party has considered me for a run. A run for president in 2016 that is.

That guy with the big mouth and toupee may be complaining about illegal aliens, but I suggest there’s a more dire threat out there. Our major cities have rats and mice lurking in all the dark places. Why, I could command an army of cats to take care of that problem in no time.

What about those politicians who used to brag they’d put a “chicken in every pot?” I’m suggesting that it would be less expensive and more nutritious to put a can of tuna in every cupboard! Besides, tuna contains all those omega fatty acids, which are good for your brain. Hmm . . . wait a minute . . . we don’t need our humans getting smarter. Perhaps a chicken in every pot for them and leave the tuna in the cupboard to the cats. Yes, this is a much better idea for my platform.

If you’re concerned about the leader of the free world not having opposable thumbs, well, who do you think is typing this? I’m quite clever after all. I have trained my live-in servants well. Without any work, other than being cute, I have obtained a home, two wet food meals a day and free flowing kibble. What have you done to improve your circumstances lately, without working for it, I may add? Hmm?

Purrs and head scratchings are excellent for diplomatic proceedings. (One of our former presidents proved that by giving the German chancellor a back rub.) A slight tilt of the head and my large expressive eyes will get a diplomat from anywhere to cave to my demands quite quickly. 

Now, considering your doubts because of my youth, since I am around nine in human years, I am actually around 45 in cat years. I’ve been around the block. Well, not literally. I'm not allowed outside. (Fleas!) Now that Mom is brushing me regularly and I’m getting that tasty hairball medicine, I’m in pretty good shape, though.

If you’re worried about the defense of our nation, I am very territorial and will protect it this country by fang and claw! And so will my army of FFF (Ferocious Female Felines). We’ll leave the defense on water to the human navy, though. Might I remind you cats don’t like to get wet?

If you find me less silly, cleverer and more startlingly beautiful than the other candidates, then write in Lilybits Rouser for president at your state’s next presidential primary. After all if you're going to vote for a third party you might as well vote for me. A vote is a terrible thing to waste!

Tweet to share: What happens when a cat tries to run for political office? Find out at http://bit.ly/1N6eN6q via @kathleenrouser #silly #cats

PURR-FECT ( A Perfectly Good Word!)

Lilybits, not large, but
in charge!

Attention all human companions/adopted parents of members of the feline species:

Dictionary.com says that perfect has to do with fitting the "ideal of a type," "exactly fitting a need" or "without flaw," amidst other definitions. But I propose a new derivative of this word: PURR-FECT. Yes, this goes beyond the human idea of perfection to higher feline standards.

When you feed your cat and she gives you a thankful purr, she is purr-fectly happy. This is what you should strive for with every meal or kibble dispensing. If your cat turns up her nose at the food, then it’s not purr-fect and therefore, less than acceptable.

Scratch behind your kitty’s ears or under her chin for a long, deep purring session. If she gives you a love bite or gentle swat, she is done with this extra affection and attention . . . or at least I am! And then the session is less than purr-fect.

Having a purr-fect place to sleep is important. I won’t always purr when I find it, unless it is someplace inconvenient to you, such as on top of your tummy or next to your legs on the bed, which makes it more difficult for you to move. Also, become more aware of our heads butting your hands at four a.m. This tells you it’s the purr-fect time for kitties to have a petting or play time session.

We cats can’t really understand why humans refuse to convert to our schedule. Napping, playing, eating and then repeat are so much healthier for you than running around all day with a cup of coffee in your hand, trying to accomplish unimportant tasks, well, other than cleaning the litter box and feeding your cat. And then you take that one big long nap during all the nighttime hours. Think of what you’re missing!

Purr-fectly happy Minnesota cousins
snuggled together.

I was just having a purr-fectly lovely moment, sitting on Mom’s lap and sniffing her sandwich. The results were less than satisfactory, but we will purr to let you know what we want too. So there you have it—a short guide to keeping your cat purr-fectly happy. Keep trying and your cat will let you know just how purr-fect you are!