Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Wednesday Whimsy - "Catiquette"

Let’s try pronouncing this word first – “cat-ick-ket” with the
emphasis on the “ick.” 
Lilybits--not large, but in charge

Definition: It’s the etiquette cats are supposed to show when company is present. Really? ‘Cause we don’t usually invite them, so what’s the big deal? Why should I feel obligated to be polite to a visitor to my home?

Mom would like me to be kind, but here are some tips for letting the guests know you are the boss: First, if they touch you without permission, you may take a quick taste of their fingers. Now, you never bite to draw blood in this instance. It’s just a warning. Be careful with the claws, too, if you have them. Hang onto their arm like you’re using crab pincers and your human may keep you in another room—away from opportunities to beg. Oh the horror of it!

You can also find out if your guests are tasty or playful with the nibble through the sock trick. You can kill two birds with one stone this way. Make sure their socks aren’t too dirty first. Blecch!

Pace around the kitchen table, stopping next to each guest long enough to look at them longingly while they eat. This way you can find out which one is the softest touch. And don’t forget to demand to sniff each different kind of food. Remember, it must pass your inspection to be eaten.

You must also show your displeasure with your human for giving inordinate amounts of attention to the guests. This can be accomplished with the needy approach or the cold shoulder. If you’re usually a lap cat, ruffle their feathers by ignoring them, going upstairs and sulking or any other way you show distaste. If you’re not usually a lap cat, the needy approach works best. Plop yourself in your humans lap while they’re talking to the guest and surprise them. Whatever kind of cat you are, do the opposite—it will upset their routine, thus getting their attention.

For whoever thinks these are rude ideas, remember that a spoiled cat is a happy cat and makes for a much more harmonious atmosphere at home. Isn’t that what you want for your guests? I rest my case!

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  1. Woof! You haz been reading my book: How to Annoy Your Human. Best to always keep dem guessin', Lily cat! -- Jakearoodog.

    1. Why Jakearoo, meow! We should have collaborated on that project. Where can
      I find a copy? Signed, Lilybits.