Do You Know Where My Mom Is?

It’s almost 10 o’clock at night. Do you know where my mom is? I’ll tell you where she is. She went to a writers’ conference without me . . . or even Dad! So while she’s enjoying a conference on the shores of Lake Michigan with all those strange people who stare at their light boxes and listen to the people in their heads, I’m left utterly alone. Well, okay, not utterly alone. But the big guy is busy going to work or working at home.

He is too busy for a little cat. I stand on his scooter and try to look pathetic. (It’s a medical scooter to help him get around since his ankle surgery.) He should be sitting in his recliner instead of at the kitchen table, so I can cozy up on his lap. Alas, the best I can do is watch the birds on a nearby chair. Sigh. I miss my full time servant—I mean—my mom. If you see her, would you please tell her she needs to come home and feed me right now!

All I can say is when she gets done talking to all those editors and important authors
at that writers' conference, she better have a big contract, so she can buy me more treats.
And if she hasn't, then she better have a good excuse. I do not find this amusing
whatsoever.

Lilybits: News, Views, and Celebrating our 200th Blog Post!

Celebrate!

This is not just any post, it’s a 200^th blog post! Mom and I are celebrating today. We're even giving away a $10 Amazon gift card Of course, she couldn’t have done it without my help.

Views:

In case you’re wondering about how my campaign is going, I have fired my campaign manager for not being able to get me into the latest political debate. Also, the donations are coming in awfully slowly. An occasional trickle of kibble and treats just isn’t getting the job done. I may have to suspend the campaign for awhile, like Governors, Walker and Perry.

And news:

Lately I’ve been learning about how to take care of dad since he had surgery on his ankle. I’m teaching him to steer his scooter carefully by getting in his way and running away at the last second so as not to get run over. I sleep on his lap sometimes when he is sitting in his chair. This way he stays warm. And sometimes I sit on his scooter and watch him eat. I’m teaching him to share and not feel sorry for himself. He’s not stuck eating kibble and wet food for sensitive stomachs. Yuck! Anyway, with my watchful companionship, I believe he is healing up quite well. 

Reminiscing:

Partially to celebrate our 200^th post, and partially to honor the memory of my Minnesota cousin, Harley, who passed on over the rainbow bridge a few months ago, I am again sharing an earlier post “Help from Harley”. I hope you will enjoy Harley’s practical advice and wry sense of humor.

HELP FROM HARLEY (Originally posted March 20, 2014)

Lily apologizes because Rush Limbaugh wasn’t available and Oprah didn’t have enough advance notice, so today’s special host is Harley the Himalayan of Lakeville, Minnesota. He’s taking questions from cats around the country from his non-motorized power basket situated under the living room table.

Dear Harley: My colorblind human brought home a new pink cat bed for me to sleep in. He doesn’t care, because he can’t see color, but I can. Do I have to be worried about compromising my masculinity by sleeping in it?

Signed,

Fanger from Fargo

Dear Fanger: You have nothing to worry about. After all, look at me. Besides, the feline babes love it!

Harley the Himalayan in his non-motorized power basket.

Dear Harley: My humans brought home a snotty little kitten. She comes over to lick my fur while I’m trying to sleep. I am a mature, elegant cat who has no time for such nonsense. What do you suggest I do to put her in place?

Signed, 

Tertius from Teaneck

Dear Tertius: I suggest large doses of catnip and if there’s some left over, give it to the kitten.

Tasha, partied out.

Dear Harley: How do you keep your hair so beautiful? Lily says she gets lots of grooming tips from you. What do you suggest?

Signed, 

Tangled in Trenton

Dear Tangled: Two words: crème rinse.

(Not Harley)

Which of these questions and answers did you like the best? I must admit, Harley
got right to the point!

To enter the drawing for the Amazon gift card, leave a
comment and an email address (where you can be contacted
in case you win), to qualify. You will not receive unsolicited
email from me and will only receive my posts in your email
if you go to the sidebar and subscribe. 

Tweet this: Lilybits: News, Views, and Celebrating our 200th Blog Post! Amazon card #giveaway! #cathumor

Does LOL Make You Feel Better?

Who hasn’t turned first to “Laughter is the Best Medicine” or “Humor in Uniform” in Reader’s Digest? Well, perhaps not so much the younger generation. Even before research was ever done on humor, we knew that laughter makes us feel good inside.

Research has revealed that a good guffaw increases oxygen intake and blood flow while relieving stress. Watching something humorous may help you better tolerate the pain in your humerus--or pain any other place in your body. A gaggle of giggles may cause the release of endorphins, those brain chemicals that make you feel good. It can even boost your immune system.

The naysayers don’t believe there is necessarily conclusive evidence, since it’s hard not to create a biased study and include all the right parameters. But let’s face it, watching a comedy or reading humorous writing just makes you feel better and can give you a lift for the day.

There are so many things in this world: violence, poverty, illness, and daily tragedies we are bombarded with through the media. If we are alive and breathing we will each face difficulties in our lives—if not today, then someday.

In God’s own word, Proverbs 17:22 says, “A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.” We can only focus on the sad and seemingly hopeless situations in our lives for so long. The Lord gave us the capacity for humor, for sharing smiles, and for good rollicking laughter with it’s healing touch.

Lilybits says, "I am not amused!"

Sometimes just the irony of a situation is enough to present us with a way to look at it humorously.  Stepping back from our difficulties and looking at the blessings in life can give us that glimpse of hope we desperately need. Seeing the funny side of life helps us look at the world differently. That's why Lilybits and I like to focus on “The good, the cat, and the inspiring.” We would love to know that our blog makes you smile or, perhaps, LOL each time you stop by. And we trust you will forgive us for an occasional overdose of
silliness! 
Tweet to Share: Does LOL Make You Feel Better? via @kathleenrouser #laughterheals 

LILYBITS for PRESIDENT in 2016!

  Background photo-Epic Fireworks {CC} Modified

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are not supported by any political party. They aren't necessarily endorsed by the owner of this blog. The views expressed in this article are definitely from a whimsical cat's eye point of view. 

As a feline of some distinction, I am quite upset neither major political party has considered me for a run. A run for president in 2016 that is.

That guy with the big mouth and toupee may be complaining about illegal aliens, but I suggest there’s a more dire threat out there. Our major cities have rats and mice lurking in all the dark places. Why, I could command an army of cats to take care of that problem in no time.

What about those politicians who used to brag they’d put a “chicken in every pot?” I’m suggesting that it would be less expensive and more nutritious to put a can of tuna in every cupboard! Besides, tuna contains all those omega fatty acids, which are good for your brain. Hmm . . . wait a minute . . . we don’t need our humans getting smarter. Perhaps a chicken in every pot for them and leave the tuna in the cupboard to the cats. Yes, this is a much better idea for my platform.

If you’re concerned about the leader of the free world not having opposable thumbs, well, who do you think is typing this? I’m quite clever after all. I have trained my live-in servants well. Without any work, other than being cute, I have obtained a home, two wet food meals a day and free flowing kibble. What have you done to improve your circumstances lately, without working for it, I may add? Hmm?

Purrs and head scratchings are excellent for diplomatic proceedings. (One of our former presidents proved that by giving the German chancellor a back rub.) A slight tilt of the head and my large expressive eyes will get a diplomat from anywhere to cave to my demands quite quickly. 

Now, considering your doubts because of my youth, since I am around nine in human years, I am actually around 45 in cat years. I’ve been around the block. Well, not literally. I'm not allowed outside. (Fleas!) Now that Mom is brushing me regularly and I’m getting that tasty hairball medicine, I’m in pretty good shape, though.

If you’re worried about the defense of our nation, I am very territorial and will protect it this country by fang and claw! And so will my army of FFF (Ferocious Female Felines). We’ll leave the defense on water to the human navy, though. Might I remind you cats don’t like to get wet?

If you find me less silly, cleverer and more startlingly beautiful than the other candidates, then write in Lilybits Rouser for president at your state’s next presidential primary. After all if you're going to vote for a third party you might as well vote for me. A vote is a terrible thing to waste!

Tweet to share: What happens when a cat tries to run for political office? Find out at http://bit.ly/1N6eN6q via @kathleenrouser #silly #cats

M-FADD?

Lilybits, not large, but in charge.

Unfortunately, there is no special association for this crippling disorder, though it affects productivity the world over. Tasks are left undone, people go to work or school without lunch and there are unpaid library late fees everywhere! Keys and eye glasses are misplaced--and it's hard to find one without the other.

What disorder causes so much trouble in the fabric of life? M-Fadd is Menopausal Female Attention Deficit Disorder. And Mom has a really bad case. It becomes obvious when something like this happens: I gently remind Mom to scoop my princess potty by standing in the hallway near the laundry room and staring at her. “All right,” she says, “one more bon-bon and I will peel my lazy carcass off the couch to take care of you.” Well, maybe I’m exaggerating here. She’s not that lazy.

Anyway, when she finally jumps up to obey my wishes, Mom remembers that the clothes in the washing machine need to go in the dryer, but the items in the dryer need to be folded and put away. If the items in the dryer happen to be kitchen towels, then she takes them to put away in the drawer in the kitchen island. She notices that the island is cluttered and there are dishes in the sink. But before she does the dishes, she puts away a book that was sitting on the island and another one from the table. Pretty soon Mom is sitting down, reading, and leaving several tasks undone.

Two hours later . . . I am still waiting for her to scoop my princess potty, but now I’m also hungry! Since then, Mom has put down the book and is feeling inspired to write. She has the laptop on her lap, so I jump up to perch on her knee and stare at her. Okay, it’s more of a glare. She should realize by now, I am doing the kitty mind meld thing with her and sending important mental messages that I would like my dinner now! By the time she realizes it’s time to feed me, she also sees that it’s time to make dinner for her and Dad!

This slowness to read my telepathic messages is mostly likely another symptom of M-FADD.  And believe me, Mom is already slow enough. I have come to understand that I must occasionally exercise understanding and patience. While you would think this would come easily to a sensitive, intelligent creature like myself, my imperious nature doesn’t usually make such allowances. Sigh. Mom has told me patience is a virtue.

Mom has shared there isn’t a cure for this M-FADD, unfortunately, except for endlessly making lists and trying to remember to check them. Coffee helps with Mom’s alertness and a little chocolate never hurts.

Do you know anyone with M-FADD? Or do you have any suggestions to help curb its disastrous effects?

Fun Facts About Lilybits, a Versatile Blogger

It's time for another blog award, but this one is pure fun!

Lily and I were nominated by a very versatile blogger, who has been on the A to Z Meme blog hop along with me, Lisa Betz. Thank you, Lisa! I hope you will be blessed by her blog as I have been!

The Versatile Blogger Award simply requires that I share seven facts about myself. The seriousness or significance of said facts was not specified. So I decided to opt for silliness. And the epitome of

silliness is Lilybits at the helm!

But first, the rules for those who are nominated:

1. Show the award on your blog
2. Thank the person who nominated you.
3. Share 7 facts about yourself.
4. Nominate 5 blogs.
5. Link your nominee’s blogs and let them know.

Lilybits here: I had to wrestle the MacBook away from Mom, but she finally conceded that seven interesting facts about me would be more engaging, more fun, etc. Here we go:

1. I am a recovering tuna addict. Let me explain this for you, because I’m an unwilling recovering tuna addict. Mom doesn’t open cans of tuna as often any more, because I yowl like a siren passing down the street when she does. I fuss and scream, begging for tuna as though my life depends on it, just hoping for a mere taste. Indeed, at that moment, it seems my life depends on ingesting a taste of that canned delicacy. The mere scent of it sends me into fits of rubbing my ribs on the corner of the kitchen-island and following Mom obnoxiously. Unfortunately, I must eat only special canned food. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Boring!

2. I don’t have a tail. You may have noticed this in my photos—or not. I have been cruelly deprived of that proud appendage, because of an injury and infection. Eventually, because of all the pain my beautiful ringed tail was surgically removed. Hence, I am sometimes referred to as “Lilybits, the Tail-less Wonder.” Why not? 

3. One of my best friends, in my old life, was a dog. The crazy cat lady who brought me to Pet Smart, that fateful day, when Jack and Kathy became my adopted, nearly hairless parents (well, I am their fur baby), I rode in a cage with a dog! The rest of it has become fuzzy (no pun intended), since I’ve become the center of attention. Besides, the drugs they gave me when I had my surgery made me kind of confused. All I know is that if I came to Pet Smart in a cage with him and I wasn’t hissing, so he must have been my buddy.

4. I speak a few people words. The one I practice the most is “Mom.” This comes out more like a pitiful “Mrowm” and works well when I want something to eat, which is most of the time when I’m not sleeping. I’m pretty good at saying, “no.” I sound especially sassy when I don’t want to be picked up. I also will throw in an occasional “what” when I am fully engaged in watching the birds at the bird feeder and Mom calls me. I sound pretty sassy when I say that too.

5. I have a pretty sweet deal when Mom covers my pill pockets with pieces of freeze-dried chicken. I know she’s trying to get me to take my tummy medicine more easily, but sometimes I eat around the pill and spit it out. Then she works harder at covering the mushy pill pocket with freeze-dried chicken treats, since she hates pilling me, and I wind up with an extra treat! Hee hee!

6. I am apparently a dilute tiger tabby. Mom always refers to me as her little gray tabby, but I am more complicated than that. I have lovely tiger stripes that can be hard to see. And while my undercoat and belly seem to be a creamy taupe, the tips of my fur on my back, sides and legs are darker gray. I believe that’s called ticked. So I’m not sure if I’m a dilute, ticked, tiger tabby or just a tiger tabby with ticked fur. Hmm . . . What do you think? Mom reminds me I am of mixed lineage, while Dad is happy to refer to me as a mutt.

7. I don’t like chocolate! Mom was so worried about my getting poisoned by getting into her vast hoards of chocolate, but that icky brown stuff is no temptation for me! I suppose Mom thinks she enjoys eating chocolate so much everybody should love the stuff. Not! My tastes are much more discriminating. Give me meat, poultry or fish or perhaps a piece of fine melted cheese and given a chance, I won’t turn my nose up at bacon. But that chocolate stuff is not for me, unless it’s an M&M, which conveniently falls to the floor, so I may play with it. Chocolate in that form makes an excellent toy.

And for the Versatile Blogger Award, Mom and I nominate:

Patty Wysong

Karla Akins

Tom Threadgill

Rick Barry

Karin Beery

WHY Your Cat Makes You a Better Person

Lilybits, not large, but in charge!

Cats may not be good for your ego, but they make you a better person and here’s why:

Take my mom for example. She is needy beyond all reason, wanting to cuddle frequently, while I’m trying my best to be a cool cat. I force her to guess what makes me happy. If she makes me happy, then I’m glad to spend time with her. After the treats are given and chase and hide and seek game are finished, I may have time to curl up on her lap for awhile.

Mom is learning to be less selfish and put my needs first. Your cat can do this for you too.

Cats also keep humans from having inflated self-images, while dogs accept everything about you. Is this really good for a human? Cats snub their humans when it doesn’t suit their mood to be playful or cuddly or perhaps if they’re a bit insulted you left them all day. This makes for a more humble human. (Note to my feline friends: Don’t push your luck too far. Humans can be rather sensitive and we have to leave them with some sense of control and a shred of dignity.)

Cats are also such beautiful creatures they help you look better. After all, who will pay attention to you in your stretchy pants and stained t-shirt, when there is a beautiful, furry creature with large expressive eyes in the same room.

Feline pets keep you from being sloppy. No longer will you leave half-empty water glasses unattended in a room or partially eaten meat of any kind, for that matter.

I could go on and on, but I think you get the picture. Having a feline companion is an excellent way to build character and make yourself more attractive. If you don’t already have one, run, don’t walk to your nearest pet adoption center and bring a cat home with you! Unless you’re allergic, of course. More is the pity for you, but you can always read my column, which I’m sure will affect you
positively.

Violets and Cats? Very Interesting!

What do violets have to do with cats? Let’s back up a moment—I could use the word “very” for my V word and remind all of you that I am a very pretty, very smart, very funny cat, etc.; but that would be plain boring. All of my readers already know these are well-established facts. I’m not bragging, just being honest.

Now onto violet, the word of the week:

One thing about violets—many people wonder whether houseplants, like African violets, are poisonous to kitties. For those who enjoy this plant’s lovely purple blooms, there’s good news: They’re non-toxic to cats! For an exhaustive list of plants which are toxic and non-toxic go the ASPCA website.

Violet also gets around as a name for cats. Mom knows a real person who has an adorable kitten named Violet. There’s also a fictitious Violet, who Cynthia Coppersmith, the lady who marries Fr. Tim Kavanaugh, in the Mitford series books, writes about. I’ve heard some of the stories on CD, on the long car ride up north. Cynthia has a pet cat named Violet and writes children's books about the pretend adventures of her cat. Did you know the author of the Mitford series, Jan Karon, helped create some real books about Violet with author Melanie Cecka? Okay. Now this is getting downright confusing. You can check out more about these books at this LINK, while I lick my paws.

Are you a Downton Abbey fan? Mom is. (Insert eye roll here.) This show is based on a barbaric time in history when cats were usually kept just to control the mice population rather than be appreciated for their elegance. Instead, in this show, the people are dressed prettily and placed in an elegant historical setting. I am usually hiding under the dresser while Mom watches Downton Abbey. Occasionally I will hang out with Mom and Dad for a good head petting at that time. One of the characters on that show is a rather fearsome lady—Lady Violet Crawley. She may be cunning, but she doesn’t understand the subtlety of cats. (Here are some of her forthright quotes.) I think she would send a naughty house cat away to fend for itself. I shiver at the thought. 

And then there may be some cats with violet eyes. Albino Siamese cats sometimes appear to have lavender eyes (close enough). And apparently Siberian cats sometimes have them as well. Watch the video below and tell me whether you think this cat’s eyes are blue or violet? No offense, but for some reason I like green cat eyes the best. I am tired from writing this exhaustive article. It’s time for me to find a heat vent to nap on top or—or jump on Mom while she’s sleeping. Yeah, the second choice sounds better. Purr.

Underneath Where?

Lilybits, not large, but in charge!

Under simply means “beneath and covered by” or “below the surface of.” Some of my favorite places in the house are underneath things—especially during the winter. I like to lie on my pink blankie that Mom knitted for me, underneath the foyer table. Well, technically it’s the shelf under the table. That's where heat vent blows some of the warmest air on me!

Under the table without my blankie.

During Christmas season, one of my special spots to spend time is under the Christmas tree, but on top of the soft Christmas tree skirt. It’s especially good for skidding under when I want Mom to chase me. She’s lazy enough to not always feel like crawling on the floor to grab me.

Don't I make a pretty Christmas present?

After dinner I like to hide under Mom’s dresser right on top of a different heat vent. It helps to have variety. One of my other favorite underneath spots is under Mom and Dad’s bed. I like to sneak under there late at night and then pounce on my humans when they least expect while they’re sleeping. (I like to do this when I feel especially Tigger-ish. You know, like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh stories.) This way I can make sure they’re still breathing. After all, someone has to feed me!

Being silly under the piano.

Of course, there are times when I like to sleep on top of the furniture or on top of Mom or Dad to make sure they remember who is in charge. But underneath spots are cozy places . . . as long as I can escape any time I want. Not that I'm claustrophobic or anything. It's just that I must be allowed to roam like the predatory cat that I am . . . yeah, that's the reason! 

Trouble

Lilybits, not large, but in charge! 

S is for sorry. I am very sorry for not taking time last week to write about how silly or sassy we cats can be, or for that matter, soft. Did you know that cats have something like 155,000 hairs per square inch of their fur? No wonder we’re so soft!

T, on the other hand, is for trouble. Cats do have their troubles. Like when it’s gray most of the winter in Michigan and I can’t find a sunny spot to curl up and rest. It’s like my sunny spot up and disappears for several months each year. Mom says I should be thankful there have been more sunny days than usual this winter, even though it’s been cold.

I also have tummy trouble, which may have something to do with inflammation in my digestive system. Therefore, I receive a medicine “treat” once a day, thinly disguised inside a pill pocket. And I am willing to eat it—this is how desperate I am for the rare treats, which I receive these days due to a doctor’s evil command. Mom also says that I am partially responsible for being what Dad refers to as a “greedy guts” and wolfing my food down too quickly sometimes, so that, let’s just say, it makes a quick reappearance.

Mom thinks I should address the times I actually cause trouble, but I find it difficult to recall any instances. That situation with the lamp up at the cabin a couple of years ago she mentioned? Honestly, when it crashed to the floor from the nightstand and I looked up at her innocently and licked my front paw, I had no idea how it happened. In fact, I was trying to convey, “Can you believe that just happened? Who did this? Not me!”

Mom says that guy I was referring to as “Not me” really doesn’t exist. I’m going to have to come up with better excuses in the future for staying out of trouble. Below, I hope you will enjoy this video on how cats need to take care of their humans. Notice how smoothly I changed the subject? Hopefully I’m not in any trouble now!

Four Things Cats Find RIDICULOUS

1) The first thing I (representing all cats) find ridiculous is not for those of more delicate sensibilities. It is something I consider a mystery. Why don’t humans have litter in their litter box rooms? I mean their litter boxes aren’t even boxes! They are round or oval things filled halfway with cold water—not that I’ve investigated that closely. Eww! I must admit the lever on the side, which conveniently cleans away anything in the box, is convenient. Still wondering why my humans haven’t put one on my litter box. However, Mom says it doesn’t work that way. Hmm . . .

2) The second thing I find ridiculous are dogs dressed in costumes. I mean would or could these dogs below hurt you? The one in the football player costume doesn’t look like he could tackle a very big bone or squeaky toy, let alone another football player!

And this pirate puppy, why he just looks sad.

3) Next, I have a complaint on behalf of the feline species: Why do you dress us up in weird costumes? I mean dogs are eager to please and are sometimes actually willing to relinquish their pride, because of their insecurities. But we cats would like a shred left of our dignity. Just a shred! Well, we would truthfully like more than that.

A cat dressed like Hello Kitty? Isn’t that a bit repetitive and just a bit much?

 This is supposed to be a Christmas cat costume. Looks more like a court jester! The joke is definitely on this cat!

And have you ever seen anything as miserable as a cat in a bumblebee costume? Ouch! That stings! (Pun intended.)

 4) And the fourth thing cats find ridiculous is being laughed at. Admit it, right now, you’re laughing at all of these pictures, aren’t you? Cats are sensitive, elegant creatures of a higher class. Just try to remember this in the future, all right? After all, have I ever looked sadder than in this picture below?